Heartbreak on the Homestead

Just when you think you are ready to let go you find out that you are not and there is heartbreak on the homestead.

I had a totally different post which I was going to share with you. But today I really need to share from my heart, for me. Sometimes homesteading can be very difficult financially, time and work intensive and emotionally exhausting. Today is one of those very emotional days.

We had made the “Wise” homesteading financial decision to sell two of our main goats. They were part of the original trio that started the goat herd. So this decision was not made half heartedly, but with much thought, consideration and anguish.  We had quickly found out that milking one goat like our dear Sylvia’ gave us more milk than we could drink. And I haven’t quite got the cheese making process conquered yet. So we had lots of milk at over a half gallon a day milking her only once a day.

So, back to my emotional breakdown today. Today the two goats were sold. I was away at the time, and as soon as I heard the bittersweet news that they had a new home, my heart broke. It was as though a part of my very soul was ripped away from me. If I had been where I could have, I would have just broken down in tears. And I am barely hanging on now.  We hear about buyer remorse, well how about seller remorse?

I know in my head we made the sound logical decision based on our homesteading goals and direction, but my heart says I sold part of the family!  Goats have a devious way of working themselves into your very heart and the fabric of you family.

Just the other day with treats in my pockets I entered the goat coral. And all five of those silly marvelous goats were jumping on me begging for their treats, as well as bestowing many kisses on my cheeks and chin. So picture this, lil’ 5’ 3’’ me totally surrounded by 5 goats, two of which when standing on their hindquarters are much taller than I. Quite the scene isn’t it? And standing there with my self braced against the wall I laughed so hard I cried. It had to be a sight to behold. But to think they simply were delighted to see me. Yes the treats help. But even without treats those girls come to me and basically knock me over just for attention. I guess only goat people really know how much a goat can love.

What even makes it harder is that one of the does was exceptional. One of the prettiest goats I’ve seen and so even tempered. She was so mild and as well behaved as goats go. She was even a wonderful playmate for my small grandchildren. So why sell her? Because on the homestead pets are a luxury and she was a very large hay burning luxury. Everyone has a purpose and other than as a pet she had none.  If there was money to burn she would have never left. So my heart breaks as I say a silent farewell to a dear friend and family member. And the tears come as I agonize over the finality of our decision.

I feel like a Judas and I have betrayed my very loyal friends. What is it like for you there? Are you confused and lonely? In this strange place, with strange sounds and strange smells, will you settle in and be able to sleep tonight? Is anyone loving you and helping you adjust to your new home? Are you being loved? Are you safe?

So a mournful and regrettable goodbye I say to you Elsie’ and Fawne’, may your new home be as warm, as loving, as caring and as comfortable as you have come to know here. May your new family appreciate your loving and playful nature as much as I have. And know that you are missed so very much and it hasn’t even been a day. The goat corral will never be the same without you there. I miss you!

The Greenhorn Homesteader